i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
