I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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