Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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