I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
