so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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