I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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