i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
