Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Small penises have feelings too.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
