I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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