after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
