So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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