Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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