I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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