I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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