What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
