all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
