Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize