They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
