I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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