We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize