Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
