i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
