i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Im part way to drunk.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
