it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
