I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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