Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I want to stick my p in your. b.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Someone shit on the floor
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
