please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize