I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize