On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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