Ambien. No doubt about it.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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