I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
