for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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