Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
