i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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