I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
