yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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