8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I love having hate sex.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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