sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
