woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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