I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
