I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
