i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you traded sex for a burrito?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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