I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
