last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
