He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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