its not stalking. its research.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
