you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he fucked my hip out of place.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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