She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
