you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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