were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
