I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
