i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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