he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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