Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
