I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
