How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
