I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Bring me that man meat
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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