Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
