im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
