Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
