And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
