so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My life is pants optional.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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