I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
