Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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