it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
