I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Let's paint friendship bongs
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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