She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
